Department of Labor Fines Santa Claus
The Department of Labor has announced it is taking action against Santa Claus Inc. because of unfair labor practices. Department of Labor spokesman Ima Spoiller stated that Mr and Mrs Claus have abused and taken advantage of a class of individuals for way too long. The proposed fine is $2.015 Trillion and would hinder the Claus operations for years to come. The Department mentioned the following infractions: Incomplete or missing I-9s, Failure to pay minimum wages, failure to pay overtime, incorrect classification of non-exempt employees, failure to provide health insurance under ACA, and intimidation of employees by keeping of a naughty or nice list. The Department is also looking into the independent contractor status of “Elves on a Shelf” and further fines may be levied. It seems that Mr. Spoiller had been investigating the Claus Corporation since joining the regulatory agency. It stems from a childhood incident where he was not provided a Red Ryder BB gun.
In addition, OSHA has also announced that it is investigating reports of unsafe work conditions with the Claus Corporation also. Some of the reported infractions are: Non-ergonomic tools and workbenches, Failure to provide safety glasses to elves, overly heavy bags of toys, lack of seat belts in sleigh and failure to overhaul reindeer on a regular basis. It is also reported that when landing on rooftops, there is no individuals directing and runways lights are not turned on. The FAA is being asked to assist with the investigation.
If that isn’t enough, the Department of revenue has started an investigation into the tax ramifications of Mr. Claus’s gifting and is demanding payment as his personal gifting exemption has been exceeded. They are also concerned that the Claus Corporation has not paid any income tax, property tax, payroll tax and gift tax. The amount exceeding Mr. Claus’s personal exemption for gifting is thought to be well over the current national debt. President Obama congratulated his regulatory agencies for finding the money. “This is exactly the type of corporate greed that we are trying to prevent!” stated the President.
Mr. Claus was unavailable for comment as he is packing his sleigh and checking his list.